No comment…

How about we all try something:

Let’s not comment on our own or other people’s body shapes and sizes. You don’t do that? Well, maybe you think about it rather than say it out loud? Maybe you just comment on your own body? (Let’s face it, it is easier to be mean to ourselves than to others). It’s hard not to comment at all: it’s almost hard-wired into us to notice, compare and judge bodies. Thanks patriarchy, thanks racism, thanks diet-culture.

One thing we need to acknowledge from the outset is: All comments we make about our own or others’ bodies are based in fat-phobia. Any comment can have the potential to be harmful. All attention on our bodies takes the focus away from what really matters: personality, kindness, love, fun, connection. You may not think so if your motive is to compliment or to help someone become healthier. But let me explain why any comments about body size is fat-phobic.

@thejadedestiny

Commenting on someone in a small body

This could include complimenting someone on weight loss, telling someone they are so ‘lovely and slim’, commenting on the ‘perfect size/weight’, telling someone that they look so well now they lost some weight. Very common things, right?

What these comments are saying is that that person is acceptable or beautiful because of their body looking ‘acceptable’ or even ’beautiful’ by society’s standards, not because they are an amazing human being.

But consider this: What do these comments mean if that person subsequently puts on weight (which is likely, given that diets and intentional weight loss don’t work – see my blog if you want more details on this)? Does the weight gain make them less valuable? How it could make someone feel when they are being complimented for being in a thin body: Scared to death to put on weight? Thinking that their sole value lies in their looks? Triggered because they suffer from disordered eating or an eating disorder?

I understand that these ‘compliments’ are well meant in most cases, but I hope this is food for thought on why they can be harmful (follow @laraslosingit on Instagram for a personal account of someone who used to be complimented for weight loss but being the most miserable they have ever been because of their anxiety around food/weight).

Check out my blog for more on this here.

Commenting on someone in a larger body

If we go to the other side of the spectrum, commenting on someone’s weight when they are in a larger body is stigmatising and fat-phobic. As mentioned above, we don’t even have to say anything nasty out loud (although it is sadly all too common to use weight/size as a way to hurt someone with words), but even just observing our reactions and thoughts can be very enlightening. Are there biases that we have that we weren’t aware of? How do we view people in larger bodies? Are we in a larger body and giving ourselves a hard time for it?

Worrying about someone’s health because of their weight is often called ‘concern trolling’ - and similarly harmful (you may just feel better about it because you think you are doing it from a place of well-meaning and concern). Someone else’s weight is none of our business; furthermore, it doesn’t say anything about someone’s health. By trying to ‘help’ and providing unsolicited advice on how to eat, what to eat and how much to exercise we are patronising and making ourselves appear superior. Ever been told what you should do? You know how that can backfire and how it can make you feel (rebellious, angry, inadequate, inferior, not good enough…)

https://www.instagram.com/can.we.all.go/

Larger bodies don’t need fixing, they need to be respected, get the same treatment and have the same opportunities as every other body. Apart from living in a society that doesn’t cater well for people in larger bodies, there is also the challenge of coping with daily micro-aggression, hurtful comments, discrimination through words and actions. The Health at Every Size (HAES®) website has some great information and resources on how to actively work against weight-bias and -stigma.

I don’t blame anyone for having weight bias – after all (and as mentioned above), we live in a weight-obsessed society and get indoctrinated with weight-bias as soon as we are born.

I would like to use this blog to invite you to start noticing how often you hear and observe body comments - from yourself and from others. Pay attention, no judgment, but become curious and explore where you learnt your beliefs about bodies.

Then actively try to NOT COMMENT.

If this has prompted you to explore your own weight-bias further, or to build resilience to weight-bias, get in touch for a free discovery zoom, we can chat about how I could support you!